- Stuart Wellington is somewhat of an original party animal...it's his cross to bear. Once went on a trip to Yosemite so amazing they should have made a movie about it. It is his dream to one day kill a bear with a flamethrower.
- Stuart is currently employed as a Scorpion Wrangler on The Daily Show. An accredited member of the press, per NYCC (aka Flopcon). They gave him a badge and everything.
- Stuart can't help that texting and browsing the Internet is often more interesting than the movies. Have you SEEN some of those movies?
- A Sexual Dynamo–no matter when you're reading this, he's still consummating his marriage. They'll talk about that on a future episode of the podcast. Stuart also perfected the "Fake male orgasm" which involves blindfolding a woman and spitting in her face.
- In Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas, Stuart disclosed his ethnicity as a Juggalo.
Factoids[edit | edit source]
- Like to bowl for cheese
- Infrequently plays the role of peacemaker, and is ordinarily the freshmaker.
- During a period of unrest between the floppers, Stuart suggested some retooling of the Flophouse format. To wit: fewer bad movies, more pornographic movies, and instead of talking about the movie, to just masturbate as a group. Ultimately this was rejected since they had already tried that once, with at best mixed results. (Episode 68: Teen Witch)
- As of Episode 102: Cowboys & Aliens, is badder than ever. Has yet to go black, so he keeps coming back.
- In The Flop House production of Snow White, he would be "Cool Dwarf".
- Has a secret wish to be a half-Duck/half-ninja turtle that lives in Duckburg, does not crave pizza, and has gadgets made by his buddy Gyro Gearloose.
- Is not quite certain about what Netflix is, or how it works.
- May have directed Burnt (Episode 202: Burnt @02:24)
Personal Tastes[edit | edit source]
- "Horrifying" porn, which he watches compulsively. (Episode 25: The Happening @50:55)
- If you had to pin him down on what he wants in a movie, it needs a couple of basic components: boobs + vengeful dead old people. (But not Titanic.)
- Fantasy literature based in the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40,000.
- 1970s science fiction novels
- All-time favorite film ever: 40 Days and 40 Nights. (repeated references throughout series)
Highly-Recommended Films[edit | edit source]
Look-Alikes/Sound-Alikes[edit | edit source]
Alter Egos[edit | edit source]
Catchphrases[edit | edit source]
- I'll allow it.
- Episode 120: The Paperboy @20:45
- Episode 124: Stolen @00:45
- Episode 129: A Good Day to Die Hard @43:40
- Episode 130: The Scarlet Letter @30:10
- Episode 133: Bullet to the Head @48:35
- Episode 140: After Earth @39:50
- Episode 142: Getaway @27:00
- Episode 145: R.I.P.D. @11:05 (spoken by Dan)
- Episode 146: B*A*P*S @40:15
- Episode 190: Ouija @39:15
- Do what your body wants.
- Episode 53: Hannah Montana: The Movie @46:30
- Episode 114: Abduction @27:10
- Episode 130: The Scarlet Letter @22:05
- Episode 135: Olympus Has Fallen @45:15
- Episode 144: Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor @24:30 (spoken by Dan)
- Mash-em-up (or, occasionally "Mix-em-up")
- 10 wormy boners!
- Spoookily good-bad!
- Rufio! Rufio! Rufio!
- Episode 114: Abduction @27:10
- Are there a lot of (thing that is obviously in the movie, or obviously not in the movie) in this movie?
- (When taking over summary duties for an absent Elliott) Smash cut to [first scene of movie].
Stuart's Favorite Jokes[edit | edit source]
- As mentioned in Episode 55: The Ugly Truth.
- Kicking someone in the crotch
- Ding-Dong sound effects
- Boobs popping out of a chick's shirt
- Foul-mouthed and/or rapping grannies
- Farts (honorable mention)
- Neologisms, obscure slang, and any terms that Stuart has to explain.
- Blockbuster Video.
- Episode 212: No Depo$it @1:11:30
- A person at liberty of becoming bisexual.
- chest butt
- Episode 109: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
- Coney Island whitefish
- A used and discarded condom.
- Episode 134: Upside Down @37:00
- cum gutters
- sculpted abs/six pack/hypertrophy of the Rectus abdominis
- death by monster
- A method of execution effected by means of confinement with a savage creature.
- Italian t-shirt
- An especially hairy chest.
- Episode 51: X-Men Origins: Wolverine @38:00
- lucky pierre
- The guy in the middle of a gay threesome.
- Episode 96: Dream House @25:15
- naked horror movie
- A horror film featuring naked people.
- Episode 195: The Golden Child @29:40
- Episode 61: Surrogates @30:15
- The highest-ranking servant in a medieval great house.
- Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas @4:50
- shit sandwich
- A criticism technique where one negative item comes between two positives.
- The frame that plastic model kits come on.
- Episode 105: A Thousand Words @35:20
- turd cutter
Places Stuart Has Been[edit | edit source]
- Only including places specifically mentioned on the podcast.
- Episode 182: Strange Magic @38:20;
- The Bahamas
- Episode 153: G.I. Joe: Retaliation @10:45;
- Las Vegas, NV
- Episode 155: Last Vegas;
- Earlham College
- 801 National Rd W, Richmond, IN 47374
- Cline Cellars
- 24737 Arnold Dr., Sonoma, CA
- Elliott's wedding (29 August 2010)
- 92Y Tribeca
- 200 Hudson St, New York, NY 10013
- 12 Rounds
- Don't Tell Her It's Me
- Jaws: The Revenge
- Quiet Cool
- Alamo Drafthouse Yonkers
- 2548 Central Park Ave, Yonkers, NY
- I Know Who Killed Me
- Sharlene's Bar
- 353 Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11238
- Hinterlands Bar
- 739 Church Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11238
Notable Quotables[edit | edit source]
- “I want everyone to know that I hate 40 Days and 40 Nights. And if you see it in a video store, you should rent it and then throw it away. You should destroy it. [...] This is gonna come and bite me in the ass, but: if you do that and you get fined, I will find a way to get you that money.”
—Episode 10: Good Luck Chuck @38:25
- “I'm the racist one of this gang!”
—Episode 14: Bratz @08:30
- “She's got great boobs, man. I mentioned it like five times while we were watching it.”
—Episode 27: 27 Dresses @23:10
- “Elephants are awesome.”
—Episode 30: Bangkok Dangerous @07:15
- “I really want to have sex with that gay dog.”
—Episode 38: Beverly Hills Chihuahua @36:40
- “If Pixar movies have taught us anything, you don't need a good script to have a great animated movie. You need a bunch of explosions, killer robots, shit like that.”
—Episode 50: Delgo @16:00
- “I've got a shitload of candy in this Blackbird.”
—Episode 51: X-Men Origins: Wolverine @20:40
- “Every day that we're alive and demons aren't killing our babies is a gift.”
—Episode 62: Legion @01:25
- “There's nothing more dramatic than watching a grown man awkwardly stab a fish in a bag.”
—Episode 71: The Last Airbender @23:35
- “Look at those rocks—it looks like a penis! Look at those rocks—they look like boobs!”
—Episode 88: Priest @25:10
- “I liked the giant metal elephant that they baked that retarded guy inside.”
—Episode 90: Red Riding Hood @35:05
- “What the fuck did you say about my mom?”
—Episode 96: Dream House @27:30
- “Send that fuckface back to Krypton!”
—Episode 133: Bullet to the Head @02:40
- “I watch a lot of movies and listen to a lot of music for pleasure that's designed mainly to make you uncomfortable.”
—Episode 138: Foodfight! @27:40
- “Why is this guy hassling him? He just fucked a pig on TV!”
—Episode 173: Transcendence @35:50
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