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#1 Perv

­We've already established in previous podcasts that Dan is a perv, who women are disgusted by.
       —Elliott, Episode 87: My Soul to Take @16:05


Obviously, a comprehensive list of Dan's various pervazersions would be impossible to enumerate. Accordingly, this collection contains only some of the most glaring examples.
  • Dan admits to having a criminal record, for having masturbated in a 7-Eleven® as a juvenile.
    Episode 84: Sucker Punch @28:15
  • Dan implores Elliott to stab him in the foot, and then to find someone in a swan costume to rape him.
    Episode 106: Immortals @25:05

Direct Quotes[]

  • ­By 'south of the border' he means 'doesn't go down on women,' ladies.
           —Dan, Episode 36: The Spirit @01:25
  • ­A key piece of information that you leave out is whether that was your wife in the—who had the titular'great ass.'
           —Dan, regarding a listener's shot-for-shot remake of a scene from Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Episode 86: The Happiest Millionaire @37:00
  • ­Look, just because I'm visibly drooling and I've removed my pants, doesn't mean that there's anything untoward...
           —Dan, Episode 86: The Happiest Millionaire @40:50
Elliott: You see those videos online of evangelical exorcisms and stuff like that. Usually the demons want to make people gay—
Dan: Yeah.
Elliott: —and that's what they exorcise out. And it's like...demons: is that the, that's the most damage you could think up?
Hallie: Yeah, demons: you gotta get with the times!
Dan: Usually they exercise it by inserting a penis into a butthole, you know.
Elliott: Oh, Dan.
Dan: I'm just saying!
Elliott: Dan, this is a family podcast.
Dan: Is it? I've been doing it wrong all these years!
Episode 116: Rock of Ages @54:40
  • ­Am I like a fairy godparent who's allowing a young child their first taste of boobs? I mean, their second taste of boobs, technically.
           —Dan, Episode 123: That's My Boy @06:30
  • ­It was the porn abbreviation for 'ass-to-mouth'—that's what we watched tonight.
           —Dan, Episode 136: ATM @04:40

See Also[]

"Pervazoid #1" Mentioned In[]

Dan attempts to drag Elliott into his own wretchedness by declaring "Hey guys, Pervazoid #2 over here." Although Stuart initially concurs, Elliott adroitly squelches the accusation by invoking his recently-disclosed Bigfoot Fetish.

­­Freud would say every dream has a sexual element. But he was a pervert.
       —Elliott, Episode 47: The Unborn @26:45