"I am robot, and so is everyone else. In this episode we discuss the Bruce Willis film Surrogates."

Movie SummaryEdit

­The point of it is: People shouldn't be robots.
     —Elliott @36:45
Clarification: piloting a Mech is ok.


This a world where Professor James Cromwell has invented a special type of robot humans can control with their brains and use as their avatars.
Other accomplishments of Professor Cromwell:
  • invented the warp drive
  • taught a pig to herd sheep
  • was married to Queen Elizabeth
95% of the world uses them as I guess their sort of like cars now. Racism and most crime has been stopped because of this. However, most people just do normal stuff, like watch TV and ride the subway and not ride on a car or run to work.
Small reservations exist where humans refuse to use surrogates, they are built on a dump and people just stand around hitting hoops with sticks to make them move. They are lead by The Prophet (Ving Rhames) who sports dreadlocks, hence the name for non-surrogate users "Dreads", although none of them have dreadlocks.


Into this well-thought out world, enters Bruce Willis, a cop with a microchip on his shoulder, because he also uses a surrogate. His surrogate is him, just tanner and airbrushed, with a shitty toupee. His wife refuses to do anything not in her surrogate body. (You know what I'm talkin' about fellas, whoa-boy. Like going on vacation.) This is because their son died in an unspecified accident and she got a scar on her face.
Bruce Willis is tasked with finding the killer of Doctor James Cromwell's son. Somehow, someone, has a weapon that can kill people through their surrogates. It looks like a dust buster, but shoots out electricity. There's a lot of running around and twist-em-ups in the middle.
In the end it turns out James Cromwell has been controlling Ving Rhames, actually a robot (spoiler alert) and has a devious plan to hook up the weapon that kills Surrogates to a massive computer that sees and controls every surrogate in the world, because the "only way to kill the addiction is to kill the addict".
At the last minute, Bruce Willis frantically makes keystrokes on a keyboard, at the direction of a handcuffed fat man. In a dramatic moment, he hits Enter and... nothing happens!
But then the fat guy remembers that Willis needs to hit Shift+Enter. At which point everything works. Bruce Willis then discovers a second protocol that allows him to put up a firewall that shuts down everyone's surrogates. People walk outside and look around like awakening from a dream. They look OK and not that fucked up. They're not even like mole-people or anything.

Final JudgmentsEdit

  • Between Bad-Bad Movie and Good-Bad Movie (Elliott) @34:45
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Stuart) @35:40
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Dan) @36:25

Episode HighlightsEdit


  • Around the beginning of the podcast, Dan and Elliott educate Stuart about how to listen to a podcast.
  • Elliott's blog "What Places Would Have Looked Like When Dinosaurs Were There". He takes photos of foreign places and then draws pictures of Dinosaurs over them in marker to show what they would have looked like when Dinosaurs were there. He uses markers because that's what he has at hand. Stuart suggests he use charcoal because that looks more old-timey like the 1900s' when the Dinosaurs were there. Dan shoots down Stuart's suggestion because it would be hard to draw with charcoal on glossy photos, but Elliot admits the markers also smear on the photos creating the effect of a dinosaur through a greasy window or an action scene shot by Ridley Scott, director of the upcoming Monopoly: The Movie.
  • "Homo Superior" – An X-Men mutant whose power is boobs.
  • The Peaches imagine Dan replaced with "Danbot", a surrogate, who always recommends Robots, featuring a tour-de-force robot performance by Robot Williams, or Bicentennial Man, also featuring Robot Williams.
  • Movies Featuring Robots
    • Robot Williams
      • Bicentennial Man
      • What Dreams May Robot
      • Robot on the Hudson
    • Robot Dreyfuss
      • Krippendroid's Tribe

Movie PitchesEdit

Microchips Off the Old Block
A 1978-era Disney film about a robot boy. Starring Kurt Russell in a dual role as both the dad and the robot, and Don Knotts as the crazy inventor.
The Computer Wore Women's Clothing When No One Was Around
The story of a cross-dressing teen supergenius. Starring Dean Jones as The Suspicious Neighbour who also turns into a dog sometimes.
A Scanner Darkly 2: The Robotening
Like The Stepford Wives, but with rehab patients. @16:25
Enola Gay Paree
Revisionist drama where it is the French who drop the atom bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki to end World War II. Starring Gerard Depardieu, Jean Reno, and Tchéky Karyo. @22:55
Crappy Movie / Twins 2
Starring Bruce Willis and Nicolas Cage, who showcase their antipodal acting styles. @24:00
Disney's The Kid
Titled that so people can differentiate it from Charlie Chaplin's The Kid or a movie starring their own kid. This reminds Stuart of the first time he read the title of Throw Momma from the Train, causing him to reply "I will not, sir! No thank you!" However, Elliott did listen when it said Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, because his babysitter was not dead and it would have been a lie. Also, Stuart was not impressed when I Knew What You Did Last Summer came out, he saw Scream. Duh.


Listener MailEdit

Mailbag SongEdit



"Hey, just watched the Daily Show..." from Eddie Lastnamewithheld @38:18
"F-L-O-P in the USA" from Martin Biro @40:15


  • Die! Die! My Darling! (1965) by Silvio Narizzano (Elliott) @50:00
  • Mystery Team (2009) by Dan Eckman (Dan) @47:05
  • The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984) by Stuart Rosenberg (Stuart) @49:40
  • Runaway (1984) by Michael Crichton (Stuart) @47:50
  • Yi Yi (2000) by Edward Yang (Dan) @46:12

Mentioned InEdit