(quietly) Okay, so I guess I gotta pick a character here. Um. Ok. Which... usually I like a big guy, which one's – which one's the Zangief in this one? I guess uhhh... this guy Shao Kahn. Ok. He's got a hammer, ok, let's see how he does – wait, hes not in the movie, ok, so I have to pick this other dude, ok. I'll do this guy. Uhh, I hope he survives. What's his name, like, "Rexor" or something? Ok. Cool. I'm gonna be him.
Earth's arbitrarily chosen champions must learn to use their personalized magic fighting moves to win an interdimensional Fighting Match that never actually happens because of all the pre-emptive interdimensional Fighting Matches.
Final Judgments[]
Was it Flawless Victory? A Babe-ality? A Nut-ality?
“They put more care into it than I expected out of a Mortal Kombat movie, so I'll give it that. It's not that great, but I was not mad after watching it.” —Kinda Liked (Dan) @1:19:10
“I didn't care for this, although I think the opening and the end fight are both pretty fun.” —Bad-Bad Movie (Stuart) @1:20:00
“My expectations going in were so low, that this ended up being not exactly a Movie I Kinda Liked, but a Movie I Didn't Mind. The fact that this movie is somehow almost 2 hours long but it didn't feel that long – maybe it was because the movie moves relatively quickly, maybe it was because I was doing dishes the whole time I was watching it.” —Movie I Didn't Mind (Elliott) @1:21:00
“This is based on a video game? I want cheekiness, honey. I want jokes, I want to have some fun with it! 'Cause it's nonsense, right?” —Bad-Bad Movie (Naomi) @1:21:45
“It could have been quarantine euphoria that made me enjoy it, that I'm seeing something new.” —Good-Bad Movie (Andy) @1:22:30
Red flags in summaries or trailers that make you think the movie will be garbage? from John Lastnamewithheld @1:40:35
the modern movie trailer format (Elliott)
trailers made of characters saying the main character's name (Elliott)
action movies where someone says "I told you this was going to be fun" (Elliott)
trailers that introduce you to "a bullshit person" (Dan)
the term "visionary director" (Stuart)
the term "American Classic" (Elliott)
"when anybody returns home and you watch them on a porch" (Naomi)
"that THX metal sound – the metal-bending sound" (Andy)
if the song Salisbury Hill is in it (Elliott)
anyone that takes an old reference for the trailer (Andy)
"What the smurf" (Elliott)
Recommendations[]
Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro (1979) by Hayao Miyazaki (Dan) @1:45:30
Plan B (2021) by Natalie Morales (Stuart) @1:46:45
Picture Snatcher (1933) by Lloyd Bacon (Elliott) @1:47:55
Can't Get You Out of My Head (2021) by Adam Curtis (Andy) @1:50:05
Little Shop of Horrors (1986) by Frank Oz (El) @1:51:40
Stinger[]
Dan:
You know, Stuart's the one who ACTUALLY eats mangoes all the time and yet I've somehow been painted with that brush, so –
Elliott:
No, no. It's not that – the problem's not the eating of mangoes, the problem is that you once missed part of a movie we were talking about because, as you said, "you had to go cut a mango up." And so –
Dan:
It took longer than I expected.
Elliott:
That's become shorthand in our house. Sammy, my older son, he's always like – I'm like, "Dan didn't do this thing." And he's like, "What, was he busy cutting a mango?" That's shorthand in our house for what Dan is busy with at the moment.
