Dan: On this episode we discuss Assassin's Creed.
Stuart: From Ubisoft Games.
Elliott: Makers of such other great movies as: None. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. None. No movies. Nothing…no movies.

Official Show NotesEdit

"We discuss the movie made up entirely of video game cutscenes, Assassin's Creed. Meanwhile Elliott does the classic "apple bit," we hear another one of Stu's goofs and bloops, and Dan's sick voice is all gravely and such."

Movie SummaryEdit



  • The classic "apple bit" @22:15-24:45
  • Jeremy Irons's metal testicles @50:30

Final JudgmentsEdit

  • Bad-Bad Movie (Stuart) @1:00:30
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Elliott) @1:01:25
  • Bad-Bad Movie (Dan) @1:02:10

Episode HighlightsEdit


Movie PitchesEdit

Ghost World
The sequel to Cool World, in which all the characters came back as ghosts. @19:50


  • ­Please, Mr. Night Shyamalan lives in Florida. Call me M.
         —Elliott @21:05
  • ­How I wish this was a comic strip podcast.
         —Dan @34:20
  • ­Much like Johnny Assassinseed who roamed America, having sex with women and leaving assassin babies behind.
         —Elliott @42:55
  • ­I don't know where slang comes from. Who am I, Dr. Slang?
         —Elliott @45:05
  • ­Who's the man now, dog?
         —Elliott @55:40
  • ­I fuckin' get it, dude: Batman's awesome. Like, Batman's fuckin' sweet. Don't fuckin' constantly rip off Batman. And don't do a Batman without what makes Batman cool–like, a fuckin' code of honor, right? That's what makes Batman cool.
         —Stuart @59:15
  • ­Oh boy, we are on thin legal ice right now.
         —Dan @1:04:45
  • ­What if Rogue ate a brain?
         —Dan @1:28:55


Listener MailEdit

Mailbag SongEdit



"Surprisingly Accurate Movies" from Kayta Lastnamewithheld @1:13:40
The Paper Chase (1973) by James Bridges @1:14:25
Mad Men (TV series) @1:05:50
Tusk (2015) by Kevin Smith @1:16:15
Cocktail (1988) by Roger Donaldson @1:16:30
The Drop (2014) by Michaël R. Roskam @1:17:05
Don't Think Twice (2016) by Mike Birbiglia @1:17:25
"Memorable Slips of the Tongue" from Jeannie Lastnamewithheld @1:18:20
Aladdin (1992) by Ron Clements and John Musker @1:18:35
Castle Freak @1:19:35
Tarzan (1999) by Chris Buck and Kevin Lima @1:19:55
In the Mouth of Madness @1:21:00
At the Mountains of Madness @1:21:10
Gorilla Rape @1:21:30
The Terminator @1:24:00
Family Matters (TV series) @1:25:00
"If FDR Came Back as a Zombie, Would His Legs Work?" from Sarah Lastnamewithheld @1:25:20
Weekend at Burnie's II (1993) by Robert Klane @1:27:05
Night of the Creeps (1986) by Fred Dekker @1:27:15
The Walking Dead (TV series) @1:27:50
28 Days Later… (2002) by Danny Boyle @1:28:15
I, Zombie (TV series) @1:28:20


  • Critters 2: The Main Course (1988) by Mick Garris (Stuart) @1:34:05
  • The Music Room (1958) by Satyajit Ray (Elliott) @1:32:35
  • Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016) by Nicholas Stoller (Stuart) @1:35:30
  • Suddenly! (1954) by Lewis Allen (Dan) @1:29:35
  • The Manchurian Candidate (1962) by John Frankenheimer @1:31:55


Elliott: Assassin's Creed! Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh-dunh! Assassin's Creed! It's a creed for assassins! Can't spell "creed" without "reed"! Meaning: like a reed coming out of water! You know, or you use when you play clarinet! Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh! So it could mean assassin's C-reed, and the C stands for clarinet! Or as jazz men would call it: a licorice stick! Clarinet!
Stuart: Yep! Never heard that before. I think that's funny.
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