Tag[]
Dan: On this episode we discuss Assassin's Creed. Stuart: From Ubisoft Games. Elliott: Makers of such other great movies as: None. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. None. No movies. Nothing…no movies.
Official Show Notes[]
- "We discuss the movie made up entirely of video game cutscenes, Assassin's Creed. Meanwhile Elliott does the classic "apple bit," we hear another one of Stu's goofs and bloops, and Dan's sick voice is all gravely and such."
Movie Summary[]
Premise[]
Callum Lynch explores the memories of his ancestor Aguilar de Nerha and gains the skills of a Master Assassin, before taking on the secret Templar society.
Story[]
Cal Lynch travels back in time to 15th-century Spain through a revolutionary technology that unlocks the genetic memories contained in his DNA. There, he lives out the experiences of Aguilar de Nerha, a distant relative who's also a member of the Assassins, a secret society that fights to protect free will from the power-hungry Templar Order. Transformed by the past, Cal begins to gain the knowledge and physical skills necessary to battle the oppressive organization in the present.
- The classic "apple bit" @22:15-24:45
- Jeremy Irons's metal testicles @50:30
Final Judgments[]
- Bad-Bad Movie (Stuart) @1:00:30
- Bad-Bad Movie (Elliott) @1:01:25
- Bad-Bad Movie (Dan) @1:02:10
Episode Highlights[]
Tangents[]
- Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead @01:35
- Episode 34: Mirrors @05:45
- Paul F. Tompkins @06:05
- Avril Lavigne @07:15
- Sean Connery from Medicine Man in Assassin's Creed @13:15
- Transformers @15:00, 47:50
- Preacher
- Bill Hicks @15:35
- Dennis Miller Live @16:50
- Real Genius (1985) by Martha Coolidge @17:05
- Sicario (2015) by Denis Villeneuve @18:45
- Casper the Friendly Ghost @19:45
- M. Night Shyamalan @20:30
- The Sperminator @23:50
- eXistenZ (1999) by David Cronenberg @25:50
- Gattaca (1997) by Andrew Niccol @26:40
- The Cabin in the Woods @27:00
- The Island (2005) by Michael Bay @27:05
- Harrison Bergeron @27:10
- Porthole of Time @28:25
- Martial Arts @30:30
- The King of Queens (TV series) @33:50
- The Bachelor (TV series) @34:00
- My Friend Dahmer by John Backderf @33:15
- Comic Strips
- The Family Circus @31:05, 35:50
- Love Is… @31:45
- Blondie @33:50
- Hi and Lois @34:25
- Beetle Bailey @34:35
- B.C. @34:55
- Crock @34:55
- The Wizard of Id @35:00
- Funky Winkerbean @1:19:50
- Wile E. Coyote @37:00
- Getting Even with Dad (1994) by Howard Deutch @37:40
- Collateral Beauty @40:00
- Dutch (1991) by Peter Faiman @41:00
- Adam Sandler movies @41:15
- Requiem for a Dream (2000) by Darren Aronofsky @41:25
- Space Jail @42:30
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) by Miloš Forman @44:10
- Batman Villains @45:10
- Def Leppard @45:35
- Tom Bombadil @47:10
- Snacks @49:45
- "Space Jam" (song) @50:55
- Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament @51:25
- The Moss Collector who discovered the Helmet of Vocabulus @52:40, 1:06:10
- Jason Voorhees @56:20
- Nightcrawler @56:20
- People leaving a Broadway show before it's over @56:45
- Wallace Shawn @58:25
- Azrael (Batman villain) @59:30
- Saturday Night Live (TV series) @1:06:35, 1:18:00
- The Skeksis @1:06:50
- Easy Rider (1969) by Dennis Hopper @1:13:40
- Cicadas @1:13:45
- Dollman vs. Demonic Toys (1993) by Charles Band @1:37:05
Movie Pitches[]
- Ghost World
- The sequel to Cool World, in which all the characters came back as ghosts. @19:50
Quotes[]
- “Please, Mr. Night Shyamalan lives in Florida. Call me M.”
—Elliott @21:05 - “How I wish this was a comic strip podcast.”
—Dan @34:20 - “Much like Johnny Assassinseed who roamed America, having sex with women and leaving assassin babies behind.”
—Elliott @42:55 - “I don't know where slang comes from. Who am I, Dr. Slang?”
—Elliott @45:05 - “Who's the man now, dog?”
—Elliott @55:40 - “I fuckin' get it, dude: Batman's awesome. Like, Batman's fuckin' sweet. Don't fuckin' constantly rip off Batman. And don't do a Batman without what makes Batman cool–like, a fuckin' code of honor, right? That's what makes Batman cool.”
—Stuart @59:15 - “Oh boy, we are on thin legal ice right now.”
—Dan @1:04:45 - “What if Rogue ate a brain?”
—Dan @1:28:55
Sponsors[]
- ZipRecruiter @1:03:25
- Blue Apron @1:05:10
Listener Mail[]
Mailbag Song[]
- @1:12:15
Letters[]
- "Surprisingly Accurate Movies" from Kayta Lastnamewithheld @1:13:40
- The Paper Chase (1973) by James Bridges @1:14:25
- Mad Men (TV series) @1:05:50
- Tusk (2015) by Kevin Smith @1:16:15
- Cocktail (1988) by Roger Donaldson @1:16:30
- The Drop (2014) by Michaël R. Roskam @1:17:05
- Don't Think Twice (2016) by Mike Birbiglia @1:17:25
- "Memorable Slips of the Tongue" from Jeannie Lastnamewithheld @1:18:20
- Aladdin (1992) by Ron Clements and John Musker @1:18:35
- Castle Freak @1:19:35
- Tarzan (1999) by Chris Buck and Kevin Lima @1:19:55
- In the Mouth of Madness @1:21:00
- At the Mountains of Madness @1:21:10
- Gorilla Rape @1:21:30
- The Terminator @1:24:00
- Family Matters (TV series) @1:25:00
- "If FDR Came Back as a Zombie, Would His Legs Work?" from Sarah Lastnamewithheld @1:25:20
- Weekend at Burnie's II (1993) by Robert Klane @1:27:05
- Night of the Creeps (1986) by Fred Dekker @1:27:15
- The Walking Dead (TV series) @1:27:50
- 28 Days Later… (2002) by Danny Boyle @1:28:15
- I, Zombie (TV series) @1:28:20
Recommendations[]
- Critters 2: The Main Course (1988) by Mick Garris (Stuart) @1:34:05
- Eddie Deezen @1:35:15
- The Music Room (1958) by Satyajit Ray (Elliott) @1:32:35
- Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising (2016) by Nicholas Stoller (Stuart) @1:35:30
- Suddenly! (1954) by Lewis Allen (Dan) @1:29:35
- The Manchurian Candidate (1962) by John Frankenheimer @1:31:55
Stinger[]
Elliott: Assassin's Creed! Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh-dunh! Assassin's Creed! It's a creed for assassins! Can't spell "creed" without "reed"! Meaning: like a reed coming out of water! You know, or you use when you play clarinet! Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh, dunh! So it could mean assassin's C-reed, and the C stands for clarinet! Or as jazz men would call it: a licorice stick! Clarinet! Stuart: Yep! Never heard that before. I think that's funny.
- @1:37:50