Episode 135: Olympus Has Fallen

Tag[]

"On this episode we discuss White House Dow—I mean, Olympus Has Fallen."

Website Blurb[]

Help, Olympus Has Fallen, and it can't get up!

(No detailed notes this week, because 2/3 of the Original Peaches are in Los Angeles this weekend, including the one who writes the show notes and really should be packing RIGHT NOW.)

Movie Summary[]

Die Hard in the White House, except the filmmakers seem to think they're making Saving Private Ryan.

Dan: This movie had more bullets to the head than Bullet to the Head.

Elliott: Yeah, way more!

Premise[]

Secret Service agent Mike Banning finds himself trapped inside the White House in the wake of a terrorist attack and works with national security to rescue the President from his kidnappers.

Story[]

The unthinkable happens when heavily armed and highly trained terrorists launch a bold daytime attack on the White House. The building is overrun, and President Benjamin Asher and his staff are taken hostage. Luckily for Asher, former presidential security officer Mike Banning is on the scene. With time running out, it's up to Banning to locate Asher's son before the extremists do and rescue the president before his captors unleash their ultimate plan.

Krang @12:50, 35:10

Final Judgments[]

Bad-Bad Movie (unanimous) @36:50

Episode Highlights[]

Blade of a Thousand Whatevers @06:00

Lacking a specific description of the B1kW, here's a picture of Elric with his crazyass sword.

The legendary Blade of a Thousand Whatevers confers increasing power upon its wielder with the death of each opponent. (Similar to Stormbringer, the black blade carried by Elric of Melniboné.)

The B1kW can be considered a +3 long sword which permanently grants 1d4 HP for each armed combatant killed in melee combat, but only if the coup de grâce is delivered by the Blade. It cannot be equipped by a lawful good character.

NOTE: The Blade of a Thousand Whatevers does not appear in the film Olympus Has Fallen. That would have been stupid.

Dan's Knee @16:55
Mr. Gustafson, Freddy Krueger's boss (plus Jason) @48:55
"He's the Housecat (Arthur's Theme)" world debut @1:05:15

Freddy: Ugh, it's time for me to leave for the day but I got one more kill to do. I'll just be a goofy panther or something. Hey, I'm a goofy—I'm a goofy panther, bitch. Grr, bitch! You scared? Whatever. Anyway, quittin' time. See ya later, bitch!

Tim: (at the punchclock, also wearing a blade-fingered glove) Hey, Fred.

Freddy: Hey, Tim.

Tim: Panther, huh? All righty, I'll take over. Grr. Grr. I'm a panther, bitch...

Gustafson: Uh, Freddy? Can you come into my office for a second?

Freddy: Yeah, Mr. Gustafson? What is it?

Gustafson: Uh, Freddy, we've been getting a lot of complaints that you're calling the clients "bitch."

Freddy: Aw, you know. It's just part of my thing. It's just kind of spooky, all right? I'm gonna kill 'em anyway, what's the big deal?

Gustafson: Yeah, but we kill the clients with respect. You know, we don't need to—Scaring is one thing, sexism is quite another. There's a little thing called workplace appropriateness and sexual harassment. I'm gonna need you to go to a three-hour training session.

Freddy: Aw, not again. Come on, sir!

Gustafson: Take it easy on the homoeroticism, please. Don't have to rip off everybody's weiner.

Freddy: It was just the one movie! So no "bitch" and no weiner ripping—can I do my job now?

Gustafson: Whoa, Freddy! Enough with the talkback! You know, this is going in your record.

Freddy: No, come on. Another black mark and I'm on probation—double-secret probation. They'll never let me in the fraternity now! Look, I need this job. This is the only thing I know how to do: killing kids in their dreams. I can't go back to being a lawyer.

Gustafson: That's fine, but if you don't shape up, we're gonna replace you with Jason. It'll be a Freddy vs. Jason situation.

Freddy: Jason?! He never talks!

Gustafson: Yeah, and he doesn't say "bitch" as a result! Freddy, you could learn a thing or two from Jason.

Freddy: Ugh, God! Guy thinks he's so great, just because he was in the NHL. We get it, we get it. Just because his mom got her head chopped off. And he has teleportation abilities. And he's a death elemental. And probably a zombie.

Gustafson: Freddy, you show me another job where you can wear a hat and a striped sweater to work.

Gustafson: Uh, Freddy—step in for a second. Jason, Jason, can you step in here too? Both of you? Now, this is a hard decision. I know both of you applied to the "In Space" program, but we can only send one of you into space. And, I'm sorry, we've made our decision—Jason, you're going into space.

Jason: (silently raises both fists into the air and pumps them)

Freddy: This is bullshit, man! I've been with this company 25 years! I've killed way more kids than he has!

Gustafson: Uh, I'm not sure that's true, Freddy. We can check the numbers, but it's all about demeanor. You scratch our back, I'll scratch yours. But please don't really scratch my back, because your fingers have blades on them.

Freddy: Mr. Gustafson, I mean—I respect you, but I don't respect the guys upstairs, if you know what I mean.

Gustafson: And maybe that's part of the problem, Freddy. Maybe that's part of the problem. Shape up and fly right, maybe you'll go into space one day.

Freddy: Whatever. I'm never gonna go into space.

Gustafson: Not with that attitude, you're not, Freddy. Jason: can you please leave the room? I think I have to talk to Freddy again. Now, Freddy. Let me be honest: you're on thin ice. I don't care who your uncle is. Maybe Bill Krueger runs this company, that doesn't mean we have to keep you on the payroll. Look, I've gone to bat for you a couple times. Look, at a certain point there's only so much I can do, buddy. You've gotta help me help you.

Freddy: I know, I know. You're a good guy, Mr. Gustafson.

Movie Pitches[]

South Beach Academy (remake) "We gotta get this volleyball team up and running. Boobs out, everybody!" (Elliott) @14:40

Quotes[]

“I bet James Woods is the bad guy in that movie [White House Down].”
—Zhubin Parang via Dan @10:40
“If you ever wanted to see Melissa Leo get worked over by a couple thugs, this is the movie for you.”
—Elliott @36:15

Listener Mail[]

"I Have Kidnapped the Housecat" from Sean Hayes @45:45

"A Flop House Nightmare" from Ashley Lastnamewithheld @47:15

"Hey, It's Me–Elliott" from Nega Elliott @52:50

Flophouse Slash Fiction @53:30

David Kalan @54:30, 55:40

Recommendations[]

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012) by Derek Cianfrance (Stuart) @58:40
The Story of Adele H. (1975) by François Truffaut (Elliott) @1:00:55
The World's End (2013) by Edgar Wright (Dan) @57:10

`Dan:`	This movie had more bullets to the head than Bullet to the Head.
`Elliott:`	Yeah, way more!

`Freddy:`	Ugh, it's time for me to leave for the day but I got one more kill to do. I'll just be a goofy panther or something. Hey, I'm a goofy—I'm a goofy panther, bitch. Grr, bitch! You scared? Whatever. Anyway, quittin' time. See ya later, bitch!
`Tim:`	(at the punchclock, also wearing a blade-fingered glove) Hey, Fred.
`Freddy:`	Hey, Tim.
`Tim:`	Panther, huh? All righty, I'll take over. Grr. Grr. I'm a panther, bitch...
`Gustafson:`	Uh, Freddy? Can you come into my office for a second?
`Freddy:`	Yeah, Mr. Gustafson? What is it?
`Gustafson:`	Uh, Freddy, we've been getting a lot of complaints that you're calling the clients "bitch."
`Freddy:`	Aw, you know. It's just part of my thing. It's just kind of spooky, all right? I'm gonna kill 'em anyway, what's the big deal?
`Gustafson:`	Yeah, but we kill the clients with respect. You know, we don't need to—Scaring is one thing, sexism is quite another. There's a little thing called workplace appropriateness and sexual harassment. I'm gonna need you to go to a three-hour training session.
`Freddy:`	Aw, not again. Come on, sir!
`Gustafson:`	Take it easy on the homoeroticism, please. Don't have to rip off everybody's weiner.
`Freddy:`	It was just the one movie! So no "bitch" and no weiner ripping—can I do my job now?
`Gustafson:`	Whoa, Freddy! Enough with the talkback! You know, this is going in your record.
`Freddy:`	No, come on. Another black mark and I'm on probation—double-secret probation. They'll never let me in the fraternity now! Look, I need this job. This is the only thing I know how to do: killing kids in their dreams. I can't go back to being a lawyer.
`Gustafson:`	That's fine, but if you don't shape up, we're gonna replace you with Jason. It'll be a Freddy vs. Jason situation.
`Freddy:`	Jason?! He never talks!
`Gustafson:`	Yeah, and he doesn't say "bitch" as a result! Freddy, you could learn a thing or two from Jason.
`Freddy:`	Ugh, God! Guy thinks he's so great, just because he was in the NHL. We get it, we get it. Just because his mom got her head chopped off. And he has teleportation abilities. And he's a death elemental. And probably a zombie.
`Gustafson:`	Freddy, you show me another job where you can wear a hat and a striped sweater to work.
`Gustafson:`	Uh, Freddy—step in for a second. Jason, Jason, can you step in here too? Both of you? Now, this is a hard decision. I know both of you applied to the "In Space" program, but we can only send one of you into space. And, I'm sorry, we've made our decision—Jason, you're going into space.
`Jason:`	(silently raises both fists into the air and pumps them)
`Freddy:`	This is bullshit, man! I've been with this company 25 years! I've killed way more kids than he has!
`Gustafson:`	Uh, I'm not sure that's true, Freddy. We can check the numbers, but it's all about demeanor. You scratch our back, I'll scratch yours. But please don't really scratch my back, because your fingers have blades on them.
`Freddy:`	Mr. Gustafson, I mean—I respect you, but I don't respect the guys upstairs, if you know what I mean.
`Gustafson:`	And maybe that's part of the problem, Freddy. Maybe that's part of the problem. Shape up and fly right, maybe you'll go into space one day.
`Freddy:`	Whatever. I'm never gonna go into space.
`Gustafson:`	Not with that attitude, you're not, Freddy. Jason: can you please leave the room? I think I have to talk to Freddy again. Now, Freddy. Let me be honest: you're on thin ice. I don't care who your uncle is. Maybe Bill Krueger runs this company, that doesn't mean we have to keep you on the payroll. Look, I've gone to bat for you a couple times. Look, at a certain point there's only so much I can do, buddy. You've gotta help me help you.
`Freddy:`	I know, I know. You're a good guy, Mr. Gustafson.