Episode 132: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

TagEdit

"In this episode we discuss Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, because The Brothers Grimm was such a success."

Website BlurbEdit

The prequel to Teen Witch (we assume).

Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters was produced by Adam McKay, so it was clearly meant as a goof, but is that enough? Meanwhile, Elliott makes an indecent proposal, Dan reveals a startling breadth of knowledge regarding Misty Mundae's acting career, and Stuart lays down the pun laws. Also, the OP's receive the GREATEST GIFT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

Movie SummaryEdit

PremiseEdit

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

Hansel and Gretel hunt witches.

StoryEdit

Fifteen years after Hansel and Gretel defeated the wicked witch who planned to have them for her dinner, the siblings have come of age as skilled bounty hunters. Hell-bent on retribution, they have dedicated their lives to hunting down and destroying every witch still lurking in the dark forests of their homeland. As the notorious blood moon approaches, the siblings face a great evil–one that could hold the secret to their terrifying past.

“­This is something that has frustrated me, that I was complaining to Stuart about, is that all these monsters—zombies, witches, vampires, werewolves—they used to have different things, like strengths, weaknesses... flavor profiles, if you will. But they've all just kinda been mishmashed into one basic monster that they just call whatever.”
     —Elliott @12:15

Final JudgmentsEdit

• Movie I Kinda Liked (Elliott) @37:00
• Movie I Kinda Liked (Dan) @38:40
• Movie I Kinda Liked (Stuart) @39:55

Episode HighlightsEdit

TangentsEdit

• What is a podcast? @01:44
• Dog puns @02:44
• Defining "extreme" @04:51
• Other Mummy movies @06:42
  • The Mummy
  • The Mummy 3D
  • The Mummy 5D: Through the Portal of Time
  • Mummy Dearest
• The Floppers cast themselves in the movie @13:45
  • Elliott is the plucky young guy who irritates Hansel and Gretel and has a scrapbook of all their newspaper clippings
  • Stuart is Gretel, of course
  • Dan is the troll or maybe one of the kidnapped children
• Army of Darkness @16:30
• Alternate names for Gemma Arterton @18:15
  • Gemma Aterton
  • Gemmer Atterban
  • Gibber Arberbun
  • Gem Arteries
  • Gemmert Arbor Day
  • Gem and the Holograms
  • Teddygrams Artifice
• Moon Bloodgood @19:02
• The poorly-simulated lesbian sex in Misty Mundae movies. @21:45
• What do you call a gathering of witches? @28:12
  • Mos Eisley Cantina of Witches
  • Witch Eisley Cantina
  • Jabba's Witch Palace
  • Witch Con
  • Witch Con '97

Stuart:	Wait, which con?
Elliott:	Dragon Con.
Stuart:	Perfect.

Movie PitchesEdit

QuotesEdit

“­It's like when you see a guy jogging around the streets of New York with his shirt off. Like, you don't want to touch that guy, he's all sweaty. Don't put that in your mouth.”
     —Stuart @08:12

“­Wait, what? Make fun of [Dan]. Make fun of him for saying that weird.”
     —Stuart to Elliott @15:16

“­The belly button is the vagina of the stomach.”
     —Pervazoid Number One @22:19

Listener MailEdit

Mailbag SongEdit

@Time

LettersEdit

"Mail Title" from Listener Lastnamewithheld @Time
 

"Mail Title" from Listener Lastnamewithheld @Time
 

"Mail Title" from Listener Lastnamewithheld @Time
 

RecommendationsEdit

• The Last Stand (2013) by Kim Jee-woon (Stuart) @Time
• Lawrence of Arabia (1962) by David Lean (Dan) @Time
• Shoot 'Em Up (2007) by Michael Davis (Elliott) @Time