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Best Picture of the Year

2012 Flopcademy Award

Stuscar.jpg
Awarded To  Tango & Cash
Comments  For the 22nd time in a row, Tango & Cash takes home the big prize.
"Every time we watch a Flop House movie I'm hoping it's going to be this kind of movie. And then it turns out to be like 10,000 B.C. or Whiteout. And it's just so disappointing, because I know there's gotta be another Tango & Cash out there. There's gotta be."
—Elliott @42:25

Tag[]

"Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently, and I wish I could be as forgiving. But I can't, because this whole thing FUCKING SUCKS!"

Movie Summary[]

Premise[]

After criminal mastermind Yves Perret successfully frames LAPD supercops Ray Tango and Gabriel Cash for corruption and murder, the disgraced cops must join forces in order to clear their names.

Story[]

Characters
  • Sylvester Stallone as independently-wealthy narcotics cop Ray Tango, who can accurately hit a moving target at 100 yards with a snubnosed revolver.
  • Kurt Russell as sloppily-dressed narcotics cop Gabriel Cash, who can chase a would-be assassin out of a second-story window after getting shot in a bulletproof vest at close range.
  • Jack Palance as criminal mastermind Yves Perret, who has a fondness for small rodents and elaborate revenge schemes.
  • James Hong as Perret's chain-smoking lieutenant Quan.
  • Brion James as cockney gangster Ponytail, whose weapon of choice is (for some reason) a highly impractical straight razor.
  • Clint Howard as Slinky, Ray Tango's psychopathic cellmate.
  • Michael J. Pollard as a mentally-retarded LAPD weaponsmith who furnishes Tango and Cash with a heavily-armored battletruck equipped with a chain gun.
  • Teri Hatcher as Catherine, an exotic dancer who a-rhythmically bangs on electronic drum pads as part of her fully-clothed stage routine.
Other Important Story Elements
The ending involves a giant explosion which destroys the evidence of the villain's wrongdoing, yet nevertheless the heroes are somehow exonerated.

Quotes[]

  • ­Rambo is a pussy.
           —Tango @04:00
  • ­Tango and Cash...Cash and Tango...
           —Perret
  • ­I believe in Perestroika!
           —random Russian guy @08:45
  • ­Hey, who's been fucking with my gun?
           —Cash @11:35
  • ­When this is over, we have to pay Jabba the Hutt here a visit.
           —Tango @25:10
  • ­Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently, and I wish I could be as forgiving. But I can't, because this whole thing FUCKING SUCKS!
           —Cash @29:15
  • ­I don't wanna get killed by this limey immigrant jerkoff! I wanna get killed by an American jerkoff!
           —Cash @40:00
  • ­I'm getting real tired of electricity.
           —Tango @53:25
  • ­From the look of your diet, it's obvious that you're not too interested in counting calories. Could it be that you're just too busy counting the money they paid you to set us up?
           —Tango @1:00:15
  • ­Any chance of a three-way?
           —random on-duty, uniformed cop @1:08:30
  • ­Is that a proposal?
           —Cash @1:13:50
  • ­Blowing a man's head off with a fuckin' hand grenade is a touch much, dontcha think?!
           —Cash @1:17:55
  • ­Did you bump uglies with my sister?
           —Tango @1:19:30
  • ­Facility destruct sequence is now engaged.
           —@1:31:00

Better Than[]

Final Judgments[]

  • The Best Movie Ever Made (unanimous) @43:05
  • ­Maybe the Citizen Kane of stupid movies.
           —Elliott, Episode 92: Country Strong @53:20

Episode Highlights[]

Quotes[]

  • ­Is this the gayest action film?
           —Dan @32:50
  • ­Every time we watch a Flop House movie I'm hoping it's going to be this kind of movie. And then it turns out to be like 10,000 B.C. or Whiteout. And it's just so disappointing, because I know there's gotta be another Tango & Cash out there. There's gotta be.
           —Elliott @42:25
  • Fivehead Goes West @42:55
  • ­Something tells me we're going to be watching Marmaduke eventually.
           —Elliott @1:07:00

Listener Mail[]

"Honey, Where's My Super Suit?" from Curt Holman @45:05
"Further Injustices Adjusted" from The Rejustinator @51:55
Stuart refers to he who shall not be named, and they discuss Dan's accent.
"Correction" from Brian Lastnamewithheld @54:45
Episode 88: Priest
"I Hereby Commission Elliott to Write a Prequel to In Time Featuring Seven Pounds That Posits a World Where Time Is Weight" from John Lastnamewithheld @56:55

Recommendations[]

  • Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010) by James Nguyen (Dan) @1:01:40
  • Dark of the Sun (1968) by Jack Cardiff (Elliott) @1:00:30
  • Winter's Bone (2010) by Debra Granik (Stuart) @1:04:30

Mentioned In[]

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